Rants and Raves



Trouble at School  by: Orin

Last Tuesday was not a very 1337 day at school for me. It started that morning at about 7:00am. I was getting ready for school and I put on my blue jacket. It was wet. I thought it was just water left over from rain the previous night, so, i didnt bother wiping it off. About that time, I heard Scott's car pull up, so, i ran out the door. When i got to school and stepped into electronics class, i realized that what I thought was water was actually cat pee, and it had soaked my shirt underneath, as well as my hair and arm. I went to the bathroom to try to scrub the cat pee off of my shirt, arm, and jacket, but, it was no good. The wetness was gone, but, the smell was still there. So, next class period, i decided to call home. I went to the student personel office (they handle checking students in/out) and asked the woman behind the glass if i could use the telephone. She displayed a nasty grimace and pointed to a sign on the door. I read the sign. "Students MAY NOT use the student personel telephones; Thats what the payphones are there for!". Now, me, being orin and all, decided that this was a huge crock of horse shit. The student personel telephones were put there for students to use, and basically the payphones were used so JaQuandrius could call Latrina's beeper, and so LoBendrick could make his crack deals at between classes. So, i went back and told the nasty bitch behind the glass that. She shot me that grimace and told me that she didnt really care what i thought. I left student personel and walked to the payphone by the lockers. It was surrounded by about 10 7ft tall black guys with gold teeth. I stood there for about 2 minutes and walked off. Next, i went to the payphone by the snack machine. It was surrounded by 5 fat chicks in a line waiting to order themselves pizzas. I felt defeated.
I returned to the first payphone where the 10 huge guys still stood. I stood there for another 2 or 3 minutes tapping my foot and then shouted "Get the fuck away from the phone if you arent going to do anything useful with it". Then, the 10 guys turned around. They began to shout unintelligible obscenities at me, and said something amongst themselves about 'getting their boys'. So, they walked out (i suppose to get their boys), and left the payphone empty for me. I called my mother at her office and returned to class, careful to allude JaQuandrius and his boys.
The End.

AOL 0wns by: Cochise

Yes from time to time even someone as leet as me likes to have fun on AOL.
So there i was on AOL, my screen name was "Danziblo", just bullshitting around when some one said something funny (actual phrase withheld for time being for amplified funnyness later on). So i decide to make (funny phrase) the personal quote in my profile.
Next day:
There i was just minding my 0wn business, on AOL again, when i get logged off and it says "This account is no longer active." So i try to sign on again, "This account is no longer active". So im thinking "wtf?". No i did not think "What the fuck?" the actual letters "wtf?" went across my brain. Anyways, so my mom calls up AOL to see what is going on:

AOL:AOL billing department this is Isaac, how may i help you?
mom: This is me, why has my account been cancelled?
Isaac: Let me check that out for you...OH, do you use the Screen Name
mom: No, but my son might.
mom to me : Cochise, do you use the screen name "Danziblo"?
::still wondering whats going on::
me: yeah
mom to isaac: Yes my son does.
Isaac: Ma'am may i speak to your son?
mom: Sure.
::mom hands phone to me::
note: mom does not look too happy
me: hello?
Isaac: This is Isaac from AOL billing...
me: Hi Isaac.
Isaac: Uh yes, sir do you use the Screen Name "Danziblo"?
me: I sure do isaac
(funny phrase mentioned above coming up)
Isaac: And did you make a profile for that Screen Name that said
"I am a gay cartoon-pedophile?"
I started laughing so hard at the fact  that he actually said "I am a gay cartoon-pedophile" that  I had to give the phone back to my mom.  He then told her what my profile said and she proceeded to beat the hell out of me but i was still laughing so hard that i hardly noticed.
So why dont you give ol' Isaac in billing a call (1-800-827-6364) and see if you can get him to say "i am a gay cartoon-pedophile like he did for me.

The End.